actually, I'm a sock model
Your face is a jimmy john
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
