Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Randomize
