If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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