would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
