I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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