YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
