So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
