she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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