Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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