Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She's the barista slut.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize