FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
