Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
