All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
