Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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