I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
