the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
