I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
