Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
