Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
