either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
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