If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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