I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
