nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
