I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
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