just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
