On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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