Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
