dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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