Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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