matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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