I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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