I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
