I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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