How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
