Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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