forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
