I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
