so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
