I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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