She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
