i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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