It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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