Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
