Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Randomize
