if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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