my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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