Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
