i don't like sucking hair
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
