i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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