I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
