Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
