super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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