3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Someone shit on the floor
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
