I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
