K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
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