life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
