My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
