I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
