I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize
