Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Randomize