if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
