he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
