HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
