Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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