this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
