why didn't you poke me back
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
