i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
