just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
