the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
